For the last year, I have contemplated growing out my now natural gray hair. There were a couple attempts but very short-lived. I don’t know if you can imagine all the insecurities that come with deciding to let your hair go gray at 30…or any age.
“What if I look haggard”
“what if I look old”
“what if I look too old for someone to love me”
“what If I look so old people actually think I’m just an old lady trying too hard to look 30!?”
These are ridiculous fears based on superficiality, but my fears none the less.
Then one day, instead of worrying, I was just totally and completely pissed off! Screw all the reasons I even have these worries! I know I’m not the only woman who feels the weight of “ideal” feminine beauty, and I’m certainly not the first to give it a giant “Fuck you!”, but it is a first for me.
I’m tired of dying my hair. I’m tired of the chemicals, the time the process takes, and the feeling that I need to try different colors to spice up my look (and then dealing with the flops, of course). So I started putting off dying my root growth. I hadn’t fully decided to go gray but I did decide over and over not to dye it. And the more the gray grew the more I absolutely LOVED it, and finally made the decision to grow it all out.
If you know me even a little bit you know I have an age complex. But this strange thing has happened since I’ve decided to stop covering up the evidence of aging…I’ve started to really embrace it, appreciate it, even love it. Well, the hair part anyway. My forehead wrinkles and the suffocating realization that I’m practically 70 years old… that’s a work in progress.
My current natural hair color is a salt and pepper with sections of complete gray. Deciding to give up dye has been freeing, and not only am I in love with the color coming through, but I know others are and will be too. But it will be a looooong process until it is completely grown out and so for now I wait